I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
