why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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