how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
