Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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