You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
