K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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