You smell like stripper and shame
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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