You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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