I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
