you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
