She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
