If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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