farters have to be the big spoon...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
