what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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