'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
