I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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