i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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