Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
