Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
