Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
