He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
