I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
