I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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