He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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