the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
