it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
