your thong is hanging out like whoa
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just found puke in my bra..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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