It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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