She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
