Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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