They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
