i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
honey bunches of taint.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
