Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
