She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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