I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
