I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
