your thong is hanging out like whoa
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
