I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
