she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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