Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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