I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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