nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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