Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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