i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have aggressive nipples.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
