i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
