hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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