Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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