he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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