i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
