did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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