I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
