I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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