the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
