I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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