3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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