this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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