and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
