Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
