can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
