The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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