dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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