Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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