she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
