Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
