i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am midnight drunk by noon
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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