Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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