Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
