I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
