then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
